He was a landlord by profession, coyote chaser, steward of poultry.
One day his back legs stopped working. “Well this is inconvenient!” he grumbled. “I guess I’ll have to take the chopper.”
His face curled into a sideways, snarly grin and he started wagging his tail. He wagged and wagged so hard that he stirred up a dust devil, and he spun and whirled down the river inside it!
“You ever seen one’a those, Dave?” asked a softshell turtle.
“Nah, come on, we’re late” said his pal Ernie, who kept his head down, paddling on.
Snoopy meanwhile was hurtling south toward Louisa County. “I seem to remember a bridge here,” he said when he hit River Junction. He pulled off to the left.
There were two gentlemen sitting on the bank, one old and wiry, the other younger. The younger man broke into a smile as Snoopy sauntered up the bank on his forearms.
“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” said the younger man. “It’s just us out here most Monday nights, glad to meet a friend.”
The man cracked a beer for Snoopy, who was 91 in dog years and old enough. He had recently been blessed with an end to such earthly concerns as indigestion.
They lit a fire and told stories into the night, of this land and another land far away. They cried and cried together, alternately from beauty and pain and deep belly laughs.
Snoop woke with the dawn and sniffed the misty air. He thought, “Lilu needs me!”
The thought of seeing his friend Lilu set his tail to wagging once again. It began spinning and spinning and finally lofted him into the air with a puff of cottonwood fluff.
North by Northeast he sped, searching out his friend. He sniffed and sniffed, honing in on her scent. At last he spotted her in the yard with her parent humans.
Snoop touched down softly in a neighboring yard so as not to startle them.
“Well this is a strange forest,” Snoopy thought to himself, as he stepped gingerly past fences and houses and cars. His legs seemed to be working! He scarcely noticed his good fortune because he was so excited to see his friends.
Snoopy found Lilu and her parents crawling in the grass, stalking a bug. Once again he broke into a snarly grin, delighted to see that Lilu had not forgotten his teachings. The four friends watched the bug crawl up a single blade of grass, then sway precariously back and forth. They gasped in unison at her acrobatics as she plopped onto the next stalk.
Snoopy gave them all a good sniff and, satisfied that they were in good health, he took off once again for the sky.
“I’m getting better at this!” Snoopy said to a passing house wren. “Did you see that liftoff?!”
“Yeah….you’re a real Sandy Fernandez,” said the wren, rolling her eyes. Snoopy did not get the reference, as he only ever read the local bird news.
Snoop did not let negativity break his stride. He set his sights due east for Lacrosse, Wisconsin.
Snoopy had spent many late nights with his friend Josh the owl when he lived in the donkey barn. He had since moved on to other forests and Snoopy hadn’t seen him in nearly a year.
Nothing could stop Snoop in his quest for Wisconsin! Well nothing, that is, except supper.
As he passed over the Mississippi, Snoopy caught a whiff of BBQ, and floated down gently onto a dock.
A seagull cocked his head. “Haven’t seen you around these parts,” he said, pecking at a french fry.
“Arrroooooooo,” said Snoop, and the seagull flew off leaving a half eaten sandwich and some fries.
“Yesssss, oh yes, yes yes yes,” thought Snoopy, smacking his lips and pulverizing bits of pork in his impressive chompers.
After licking each speck of bacon grease from the plastic wrapper, he lay back on the warm wooden planks for a nap.
As he slept, Snoopy floated up out of his body and into the fluffy cumulus clouds.
“Okay, you have to admit I’m getting good at this,” Snoop called out to a wood duck name Jan who was somehow raising an eyebrow from her nest in the reeds.
“Wack, wack, waaaaaack,” said Jan sarcastically.
Snoopy was undeterred. He flew and flew and as dusk set in, he lighted down on a sturdy branch outside Josh’s window.
Snoop rested his head on the soft, mossy bark as he watched his friend cooking dinner for another animal. Snoopy was skeptical at first, always protective of his pals, but when he saw them nuzzle each other he could see that Josh was happy.
“Arrrooooo!!!!” he called to the moon, which means in this context, “thank goodness.”
Snoopy licked Josh’s window with a thick, sloppy slurp. “My work here is done,” he told the squirrel next to him. She puffed up her tail, stuck her butt in the air, and chittered and skittered away.
The joy of seeing his friend doing well put some pep in Snoopy’s step, but he noticed that he was getting sleepy and was starting to get concerned about driving in this state.
“Just one more stop,” he told a bat as he glided into the sky.
“Nice moves, man,” said the bat. “I’m Andy. Where ya headed?”
“Nearly due South by Southwest,” Snoopy aroo’d, glad to see a friendly fanged face.
“You’re kidding! I’m headed to Edina myself,” said the bat. “Here, hold on, I’ll get you there.”
Snoopy was skeptical once again as Andy extended his spindly left big toe, but he couldn’t turn back now.
“Hoooooooly moooooooly!!!!” Snoop exclaimed as Andy took off, barreling down the Mississippi headfirst like Superman.
“Hold onto your hat!” Andy screeched, as he took a hard left at Lansing.
“Yelp,” Snoopy gulped, gripping the toe tighter.
They flew on in silence for a while, Snoopy with his eyes squeezed tight, Andy on a mission.
Somewhere around Bellevue, Andy pulled over for gas. Snoopy was grateful, if a bit nauseous. Nonetheless, he quickly tucked into second supper, which was breakfast for Andy.
“Where exactly did you say you’re going?” mumbled Andy, talking with his mouth full of mosquito.
Snoopy’s attention was fixed on a fly at the tip of his nose,. He ignored Andy, held still to concentrate, then snarfed the hovering insect out of the air. (The fly’s name was Daniel by the way, but he was a bit of a jerk.)
“I need to see Oliver and Hazel,” Snoopy belched. Do you know where they are?”
“Can’t say’s I do, but my company delivers clear out to Indiana, just all over the map,” Andy bragged, sucking the guts from a gnat.. “I’m over the road, see, that’s why I’m in such a hurry. Damn humans have been gumming up our logistics and we’re just so short staffed these days. But we know where everybody is. What I mean to say is, you should come by the office and ask, I bet your friends are in the database.
“Well let’s get this overwith,” Snoopy said, more than a little creeped out. “Ready when you…”
Snoop had not even finished his sentence and had just barely snagged Andy’s left toe when they went racing off into the night.
This time, the journey was mercifully brief.
“Right this way,” said Andy, as Snoop got his feet under him and looked around.
“What is this place?” Snoopy asked, sniffing the cool air and listening for the source of the drip, drip, drip."
“Humans call it Maquoketa,” said Andy. “We call it North Central HQ, T. I. Simmons and Daughters. It’s a family business,” he said, flashing a painfully fake smile at the larger bat hanging from the ceiling beside him. “How’s it goin', Bob?”
Bob glared as Andy led Snoopy to a corner to drink.
“Holy hell that’s good water!” Snoopy moaned. “Don’t tell my moms, but I think it’s better than we have at home.”
“Well you drink up,” said Andy. “I’m gonna talk to the boss.”
Snoopy sipped and slurped to his heart’s delight until Andy rushed out of the back room, looking alarmed.
“Go man, go, we gotta go right now, grab on!!” Andy cried, launching himself and Snoopy into the sky at a fearsome tilt.
They were going so fast that Snoopy got dizzy and lost all track of the direction, but he had no choice but to trust in his new friend.
“Blahhhhhh,” Snoopy puked, splattering pulled pork, bugs and detritus into the waiting jaws of some hungry coyotes.
“Thanks….I guess?” they howled, slightly grossed out but full.
Andy honed in on Oliver and Hazel on a campout with their mom. Snoopy couldn’t believe his good luck, and settled down to rest on the cool earth under the bushes.
As the stars came out, Snoop started laughing. Then Oliver started laughing, and then Hazel started laughing, and then Iona started laughing. As they threw their heads back, the twinkling stars in the darkest sky laughed back at them and Snoopy knew they were alright.
“Okay dude, we seriously gotta go,” said Andy. “Vamos, chop chop, I’m not a morning person.”
Snoopy snarled his friends a wiggly goodbye, and grabbed onto the toe for one last hitch.
As the sun peeked over the cornfield on Sand Rd SE, just rimming the treeline with pink, Andy and Snoopy said their goodbyes.
“Good luck, man,” said Snoopy, “and thanks. If you ever quit that godawful company, come see me. We could use some help with these bugs.”
Andy stood, saluted, and took off into the fading night.
Then Snoopy finally rested, under his favorite willow tree, which is where he’s always been, and where he always will be.
I’m so glad I found your newsletter, Nora!! This is a gorgeous and goofy elegy - I’m sure Snoopy would approve 💕
Nora, this story! So beautiful and funny and perfectly Snoop. He was a damn lucky dog. I had no idea you could write like this, is simply amazing and I just love it. Sending you and all of Snoopy’s friends lots of love and a big sloppy hug ❤️